Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize