so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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