Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
