omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
