Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize