In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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