We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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