I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
