Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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