she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize