i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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