I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
