He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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