The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
