Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
