I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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