I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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