i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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