mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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