Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
