she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
only if we run a train.
done.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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