She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
