I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
