I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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