I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
