dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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