Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
