Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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