I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
