Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
