You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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