I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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