Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
