He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
PANTIES FOUND
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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