I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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