glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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