There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
