Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
