Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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