I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
