You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize