I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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