The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
