Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
