Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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