how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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