I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
