whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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