I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
