Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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