Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Let's paint friendship bongs
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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