I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize