I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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