there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He shit in the fireplace
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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