Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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