btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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