Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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