if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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