You just made me feel so damn special
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize