i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
