Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Randomize
