Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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