Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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