All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
