just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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