Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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