so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
