Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
