Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
