you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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