I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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