Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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