smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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