So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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