Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
