I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
