she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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