So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
