He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
