Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
