Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
someone owes me an orgasm
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
