wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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