phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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