throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
