Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
