I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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