I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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