Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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