I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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