he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
