saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
