You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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