Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
