dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
